I Hate Wearing Underwear!!!!

Becks loves his tighty-whiteys

Who doesn’t hate wearing underwear? I’ve tried so many type so underwear it isn’t even funny. I’ve tried store brands like Jockey and Hanes and even those fancy brands like 2(e)xist. None of them are good for more than two hours. I’ve tried regular boxers and knit boxers, boxer briefs and regular briefs. I’ve even tried the ones with the extra pouch upfront. In every case it feels like someone wrapped a Wal Mart bag around my balls and is slowly twisting it. As I type this I am standing at my desk shifting the weight between my right and left foot in the hope it will work the underwear out of my crack. The mesh boxer briefs I’m wearing have ridden up over my thighs and are currently constraining my nutsack like a two tennis balls in a sweat sock. The one time I attempted a manual extraction, a female coworker came around the corner and saw me in flagrante delicto. The horror! Therefore I have decided to go commando.

That's the stuff!!

Going commando is not something new to me. If I’m wearing jeans it’s a good bet that only a thin layer of denim separates you from my testicles. Wearing underwear in Texas is like wearing a hair shirt in Hades, and riding a motorcycle means you should never wear anything under your jeans other than Anti-Monkey Butt powder. Also known as “Swamp Ass,” Monkey Butt manifests itself though a hot sweaty, itchy feeling that’s akin to wearing a wet diaper in hell. Spend 400 miles in the saddle in August and you’ll wonder if you have any sperm left. You want to jump off the bike and scratch your ass on a tree like a bear. Other bikers look at your wet jeans and accuse you of pissing yourself – both embarrassing and uncomfortable. In Texas, commando is the only way to go.