Ow my Balls!

Everything is super when you're smooth!

An old friend recently pointed me to a link about male waxing, specifically the waxing of the nether regions where no razor should boldly go. With names like the Boyzilian or the Brozilian, services previously reserved for women are now being performed on men. (Ed:The article appears in New York Times which  we all know has a secret liberal agenda to emasculate all men and turn them into geigh mooslim intellectuals.)  

Go out to Braun's website and check out their trimmers. They advertise them with rawk music and a tough-looking twink prancing around his urban loft. 


Okay, so now you know the setup. Here's what I have to say:


What the FUCK? 


Shaving body hair has been around forever, especially with the teh geighs, but now smoothing has gone mainstream. (Full disclosure: I used to shave my legs when I raced bicycles.) Porn stars used it as a trick to make their dick seem bigger, but I don't care. There is no way I'm going to allow some Asian lady or skinny twink  to put hot wax on my taint, only to have it ripped off along with the hair! No fucking way! I live by few rules, but keeping hot wax and sharp things away from my testicles is one of them. 


Apparently some men are being pressured by wives and girlfriends to do this. 
Here's a thought: Get a new girlfriend! If a woman tells you there's too much brush around the tree, get a pair of trimmers made especially for it and trim away, just don't wax it. Waxing is only a half-step above the S&M practice of applying duct tape to a patch of hair and ripping it off.  

To deal with the pain, some men take an Advil beforehand (aspirin is not advised because of its blood-thinning properties) or have a glass of wine to relax. At Strip, a Crayola-colored stress ball is left in each treatment room for clients to squeeze as necessary.

An Advil and a glass of wine?  Fuck that, I want a shot of Pappy Van Winkle and a Percocet. And you can shove the stress ball! 

But wait there's more!


Apparently not satisfied to with only allowing women to stick crystals on the pubic regions, men have come up with Pejazzling.  As part of the pejazzling process, crystals are affixed to the newly smoothed skin. Seriously?
Isn't that what condoms with nubs are for? 


If you were a real man and wanted some cockbling, you'd get a Prince Albert.